Dear Danny
by AliJay82
Summary: I read the spoiler about Steve leaving a Dear Danny letter and This story came to mind. It's McDanno and unbeta'd so I apologies for any mistakes made.
1. Steve leaves

My cell rings and I don't think twice before answering it in front of everyone.

"McGarrett."

But as I hear what the voice has to say on the other end, I excuse myself to my office trying to ignore the inquirying looks that I getting from my team. Once in, I shut my door and keep my back to it. The voice goes on once I'm alone and I feel my heart drop. What they're saying can't be possible can it. They're talking about someone I trust, someone I would lay down my life for and what they saying isn't possible, it can't be. Once the call ends I know what I have to do. I turn and look at my team, they're laughing and joking about god knows what. I know then and there that I can't include them in this, that I can't let them now about what I'm to do until I'm gone.

I hear Danny laugh at something Chin said and I just stare at him. He's so beautiful when he smiles, his whole face light up and his eyes sparkle. I can't believe that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Which, sadly, maybe shorter than either of us expected. Taking a deep breath I place my phone in my pocket, run my fingers through my hair, smooth out my clothes and plaster a smile on my face as I rejoin my team.

"So whats so funny people?" I comment coming up behind Danny, throwing my arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Taking in the warmth of his body.

"Chin just told the worse joke ever." Kono said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey you both laughed." Chin pointed out crossing his arms.

"So uh who was the phone call from?" Danny asks me, wrapping his arms losely round my waist.

"Oh it was Joe. He was just telling me what he's been up to." I hate lying to any of them, Danny especially but I know this has to be done.

"Oh right then. Was it about your secret squirrel stuff? Is that why you went in your office?" Danny asks with a straight face.

I look down at him with a smirk. "Secret squirrel stuff huh?" He's eyes are shining as he tries not to laugh. "Well kinda. He wanted to know about some stuff."

"What stuff?" The three of them chorus and I look at the three of them with wide eyes.

"You three have spent way too much time together." I laugh. "I can't tell you, it's classified." At that they all let out a groan and roll their eyes.

"It always is huh boss." Chin grins.

"Sorry guys." I shrug trying to be nonhalant.

"Right, if we done for the day, I'm off. Malia's cooking my favourite tonight..."

"Uh leave it there Cuz please. I don't need to know the rest." Kono laughs interuppting. "Is ok if I go too boss? I've got a date." She admits grining.

"And with who would this be?" Chin asks going into overprotective mode.

"Don't worry Dad, he's a gentleman." Kono giggled.

"Go have fun guys." I wave them both off and I'm left alone with Danny. I pull him close and run my fingers through his soft blonde locks and I am struck once again with the need to tell him but I hold my tongue. Instead I place a kiss on his head and say "Lets go home."

I sit on the edge of the bed and just stare at him as he sleeps. He's beautiful like this, the stress and tension of the day disappears and he looks so much younger. I reach out to touch him but I stop myself. I don't want to wake him up, I get up, collect my clothes and creep out the bedroom to the bathroom. I shower quickly, dress in the bathroom and creep downstairs. I go to the cupboard by the stairs and pull my go bag out, I place it by the door and look back up the stairs trying to swallow down the guilt I feel. I move into the kitchen where I look at the reminants of our dinner lay and the memories of the night come back to me. We order a takeaway from Danny's favourite place and then I took him upstairs, pushing him down on the bed, telling him how much I love him over and over again as we made love. It was amazing, I've never felt such a connection with anyone before like I do with Danny and now Im risking it all.

I walk into the study and take out a pen and paper. I sit down and start to write a letter, I get as far as Dear Danny and I just stop. What the hell do I say. 'Sorry for leaving you without explaining. Please forgive me.' I take a deep breath and place my head in my hands to stop myself from screaming. This is insane, I can't really be seriously thinking of leaving him can I. My phone vibrates with a message and I know I have too. I will come back to my love and my ohana but now I have to do what I have to do. I raise my eyes up to the ceiling and think of Danny. I hope to god my beautiful boy can forgive me. I look back down to the paper and begin to write, pouring my feelings into the words. Once its done I place it into an evelope, seal it and write his name on the front. I creep back up the stairs, using my ninja skills as Danno calls them and carefully move into our bedroom. He's still sleeping peacefully. I slowly and caustiously make my way to the bed and place the envelope on top of my pillow. I move round to his side and just stare at him. I lean down by his ear and whisper please forgive me, place a kiss on his forehead, forcing the tears not to fall from my eyes. I stand back up and move towards the door. I walk on to the landing and slowly pull the to a close, before I close it fully I take one final look back towards the bed and draw a shakey breath as I pull the door fully closed. I walk downstairs and grab my things. Opening the front door I walk out. Before I close the door I take one last look up the stairs.

"Goodbye Danno." I whisper. Then make my way to the truck.


	2. Danny finds the letter

I wake up feeling great after probabley having one of the best sleeps I've had for a long time. I stretch my body, roll on to my back expecting to see Steve next to me but his side of the bed is empty. It's 7am on our day off and I was hoping to pick up where we left off last night but it seems Super seals decided to get up early and go for a swim or run or something. I reach out and touch the sheets and frown when I realise they're cold.

"What the...?" What time did Steve get up for them to be that cold. I swing my legs round to sit on the side of the bed, grabing my boxers, I pull them on and walk to the landing. I call out Steve's name, checking all the rooms up there before moving down the stairs.

"Steve? You down here." I move from the living room to the kitchen to the study and theres still no sign of him. I slip on a pair of flip flops by the door and walk to the back of the house looking out at the beach and water. I run my hand through my hair in fraustration when I dont find him there. This is getting annoying now, where the hell is he. I turn and walk back to the house, the worry building in my gut. I glance over at the cars as I walk to the back door and I stop short when I realise only the Camero is there. Steve's Silverado is missing. Ok now I'm scared. If Steve had gone for a run or a swim his truck would still be here. I run back in the house, grab the phone dialling Steve's cell, trying hard to resit the urge to throw the phone when it goes straight to voicemail. I run back to the bedroom and pull on my t-shirt, I reach to grab my trousers when out the corner of my eye I spot something on Steve's pillow.

I kneel on the bed and look closer, it's an envalope with my name on it. I lean against the pillows and open it. My mouth drops open and my heart breaks in two as I read.

_Dear Danno,_

_I don't know where to begin, I recently found out something and it nearly killed me. Someone I trusted broke that trust and I need to set things right. I know I shouldn't go alone after what happened last time but I can't involve you, Chin or Kono in this. It's too dangerous and I can't lose any of you. Especially not you. I love you so much Danny and it's tearing me apart not being with you but I need you to look after things at home and take care of our ohana. Give Gracie a kiss from me, tell her that I love and miss her but I will see you both soon. Take care Danno and keep safe. I promise you that I will look after myself and try not to take too many 'stupid risks'._

_I will come back to you Danny. You're my life, I love you._

_Steve.x_

He's gone, just like that, he's gone. He's left me to go off and play the hero again. How could he do that after what happened last time in Korea. I angrily swipe the tears away, how could he do this to me, he's suppose to love me, I nearly lost him once and he's making me go through it all over again. How could he be so selfish. I get up and get dressed, all the while ignoring the tears running down my face. I look down at the letter lying on the bed and all I want to do is rip it apart as it stares at me, mocking me but I pick it up and put it in my pocket. I storm out of the bedroom, slamming the door so hard that the walls shake knocking a few photos off the wall. One pictures falls near my feet and I look down. It's my favourite picture of me and him for a night out with the team. I used to look at the picture and feel love and warmth inside me, right now all I feel is anger. I lift my foot up and stomp down hard on the glass, smashing it. I've got to get out of here before I smash the entire place up.

I grab my gun, wallet and car keys and storm out the house to the Camero. I get in, start the car and speed out of there. I make my way to Chin's house, way over the speed limit but right now I don't care. Im so angry and hurt right now that I don't think I'd care if HPD pulled me over and stripped me of my gun and my badge. I make it to Chin's in record time and get out, racing to the door, hammering as hard as I can till Chin comes to the door looking bleary eyed.

"Danny what are you doing here?" He starts but I don't answer him, instead I push past him and walk into his house. "Danny...?"

"Did you know?" I demand.

"What? Did I know what?"

"DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?" I shout at him shoving the letter at him. He takes the letter and reads it. Once I see his face turn to one of complete and utter shock I have my answer.

"Danny I swear I didn't know anything about this. I promise you. If I did I would of told you." He stares at the letter like he's expecting it to give him some answers. "What the hell is he thinking?"

"He wasn't. He never does, he just thinks he can go out there and save the world without thinking about how any of the rest of us will fell. He could die out there, wherever the hell he is and we would never know anything about it. He is the most selfish, annoying, aggravating person I've ever known. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and what he can blow up. How can he do this to me again, to us. Doesn't he think what this would do to the team. Doesn't he think that we would of helped him if he told us. Does he really think we are that useless." I fell all the fight leave me and I collapse into the seat by the telephone and throw my head into my hands. I still can't believe any of this is real. I feel Chin kneel in front of me and rest his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry." I whisper. My voice quivering.

"Hey, hey , it's ok Danny. You have every right to be angry. He shouldn't of done this to us, not again and especially not to you and he especially shouldn't of gone like this." He tells me, waving the letter. "This has got to be one of the most stupidest thing he has ever done, if not the most stupidest thing. At least when he went to help Jenna we knew which country he was in, so we kind of had a general fix and he had a phone with him. At the moment we know nothing. Have you tried his cell?"

I look at him with a 'what do you think' look and he looks sheepish.

"Sorry of course you did. Did it ring?"

"No it went straight to voicemail everytime I tried. Why does he do this? I thought he trusted me?" I look down hiding my tears. "I thought he loved me." I added in a quiet voice. Next thing I know Chins arms are around me pulling me against him, letting me cry into his shoulder as he stroked my back. He waited patiently to calm me down, when my sobs subside he pulls back and holds my face in his hands, making me look at him straight on.

"Danny, Steve loves you. Never, ever doubt that. Yes what he's done is wrong and completely idiotic on so many levels, but the reason he didn't tell us wasn't because he doesn't love or trust us. In his mind this is keeping us safe. It doesn't compute that it hurts us or makes us angry not knowing where he is or what he's doing or even if he's safe. All Steve cares about us is that we're ok no matter what happens to him."

I know he's right, but it doesn't do anything to stop the icy fingers of fear that are gripping my heart. "I thought the last concusion might of knocked some sense into him, but obviously not." I joke weakly. Chin smiles softly at me and tells me that he's gonna get changed and we're going to go to HQ and track Steve down. As I wait for him to come back I try and think how this day got so messed up. Last night I was so happy, things seemed so perfect and now I don't know what to think. Chin comes back in and asks for my keys.

"Why do people keep driving my car?" I ask, walking over to him.

"Well at the moment you're not in the right mind to drive, you need to rest. Plus the Camero is a pretty sweet ride brah." He smiles trying to lighten the mood. I manage a little smile as we walk out the door. We barely say a word on the journey to HQ and once we're there we set about the task of tracking down our errant boss and my boyfriend. We get no luck with the GPS on the phone but manage to get some luck with the one in the truck. We manage to track it down to the airport and with Chin's expert driving we're there in no time. We move fast through the car park and locate the truck. Checking the doors we find it securely locked.

"Damnit." I yell out in fraustration and pound my fists on the bonnett. Chin just looks at me.

"It's ok brah." He tells me quietly and pulls out his lock picking kit and sets to work. After about 3 minutes we're rewarded with a satisfying click and the drivers door opens. I lean in and look for any clue that could help us find out what the hell is going on. Chin sighs and tells me he's got nothing, I'm about to tell him the same when my hand connects with something under the drivers seat. I reach in and pull it out, only to find that it's Steve's phone. I sigh and look at Chin who rolls his eyes and says something which I believe is idiot in Hawaiian. I try it on and feel a tiny bit of hope spark in me as the screen lights up, but then that hope disappears as I find that his recent call history has been deleted, along with any other numbers apart from all the ones I know. Theres nothing. We are right back to square one.

We lock up the truck and I drop Chin home. He tries to get me to stay with him and Malia but I refuse. I don't want to intrude anymore on them than I have and I just want tp be alone at the moment. I drive back to Steve's house and go to the drinks cabinet, pulling out a bottle of whiskey that we've had for ages and walk down to the beach. I sit on one of the chairs that we've spent many a night out here watching the sun set together. I open the bottle and take along drink. I just want forget everything at this present moment. I don't want to think that Steve would rather go to another place without me than have me by his side, that he didn't have the guts to tell me to my face that he was leaving and just left a note instead. But most of all I want to forget all about Steven J. McGarrett.


End file.
